|
June/July 2004 |
The Endless Spirit* Edition *(no, not bottomless alcohol) |
"Some people think that the physical things/ Define what's within/ I've been there before/ But that life's a bore/ So full of the superficial/ Some people want it all/ But I don't want nothing at all/ If it ain't you baby/ If I ain't got you baby/ Some people want diamond rings/ Some just want everything/ But everything means nothing/ If I ain't got you" - from Alicia Keys' If I Ain't Got You
Twenty-one July and another fabulous dental experience in the past. Interesting poster of an iceberg that dentist has on the ceiling. Hidden Depths it's called. Hey, that could have been another name for this issue. So anyway my teeth were cleaned and polished and what was the first thing I ate afterwards? A block of Cadbury's Dairy Milk chocolate. Perfect.
Oh, I've already written most of the newsletter, you just don't know it yet (or something). This is almost like the normal surface part before you get sucked into the vortex of my being. After all I did promise some down to earth news, right?
It's been different the past couple of weeks, silence from pretty much everybody I don't see on a regular basis. I think everyone's incredibly busy. Me too. On that book. And this newsletter. And a soul-affirming poem. And so on. For people dying to read LookInside, there's plenty of other stuff to read in the meantime. Might actually be putting up and advertising some old fiction soon too, but I'm not sure yet.
I happen to be a Leisure Books member which means I have to order at least one thing from each quarterly catalogue. I used to pretty much always get novels, but lately it's been CDs. Their CD selection is pretty tiny though, so when I got the last catalogue and found myself mumbling Burn Burn Burn, I didn't honestly expect to find Usher's Confessions there. But I did and my chest went zoom, so I knew. Anyway I've got it playing now, so you know what the backing music to this ADT is.
Actually Lauren's just got home from varsity now and if she wants to watch TV Usher will have to take a backseat. Maybe this is my cue for a brief family update:
Lauren's onto her third year of Genetics at UCT, so she'll major at the end of the year and she plans on doing Honours next. She did very well in her mid-year exams, so things look promising. It's her twenty-first this year as well (07 November), so our mother and Wendy will both be coming to Cape Town for it.
Wendy's still in Scotland, in a little place called Denny. She lives with her boyfriend, Jonathan, and his family. And even works at the same cell phone company as Jonathan's dad (T-Mobile), though acquiring the job had nothing to do with him. She's a call centre operator or something. Customer service consultant? Hooked up to a headset anyway :-) She actually couldn't find a job for a while and then one day she could suddenly choose between two. And the choice was clear. Does anyone really want to sit at a till in a takeaways place late at night? Not really. She'll be 26 on the fourth of August. As a small token of our big love, we are sending her something in the mail today. From me, Michael, Lauren and Ross.
My mother's in Joburg working at Sasol as an HR Administrator. For those of you who know her, this is her email address: Charlene.Joshua@sasol.com Get in touch. I think she and my friend, Marcia, are supposed to be getting together sometime soon. Dunno if they are waiting for me to get there first or what...
Just called my dad now to see how he is and he was just about to leave for the hairdresser's so that can't be such a bad thing hey! I've actually been quite bad about visiting people lately, and phoning, so I haven't seen him since like Father's Day, I think. Or maybe I'm wrong.
My grandmothers are both ill in bed today, which isn't too great, but here's wishing they feel much better soon. The grandfathers are up to stuff, one of them making a tomato mince dinner for tonight and the other perhaps busy on a wooden briefcase for Ross?
I'm hungry. Toast will have to do. Mmm, the freshly roasted taste of peanut butter on 7-11 bread... And the sweet fizz of Coke... Ah well, it was okay anyway. I really must get on with this now because I still have to make mince curry for dinner. Well, I don't have to, but I will. Cooking, baking, kitchen duties, not my favourite things in the world, but sometimes you just have to get going.
On Michael's birthday (01 June), a few of us went for dinner at The Famous Butcher's Grill in Claremont. Yeah we spent a good number of hours there, but we won't mention how long it took my dad to eat his steak. Michael got nicely tipsy (or 'lekker aan' as Verity would say, or 'lekker ann' if she's typing an sms after a glass of red wine - hmm, that was an interesting half-hour I just spent on the phone with her). As I was saying, Michael enjoyed his wine which is good because it was his birthday. The other people there were Lauren, Ross and Tamsyn. I had spent the day making a chocolate cake and an apple tart, so after dinner we came back to our house for that. 32 melted candles later, we tucked in.
On 16 June Michael flew to Gauteng for a five-day course. But he spent the weekend prior to the course with his family in Pretoria, so great that he didn't have to pay for a visit to his parents. It also meant they could celebrate his birthday at the same time as they could celebrate his grandmother's birthday. And the party took place on Father's Day, so that was convenient too. His course was in Joburg and he got through one day of it and then his manager phoned him to say they needed him back at UCT to fix the mail server. So he had to fly back on the Monday night. Well, his presence was much needed and appreciated here and now he gets to spend some more time with his family when he returns to re-attempt the course at the end of August. And he's worked lots of overtime recently so at least that's some extra money for him soon too. Sometimes things work out pretty well! Shame, heaps of assignments for him to do now, but at least he'll be able to finish his degree this year!
I've been on some fun outings in the past couple of months, Westend and the Train with Caroll, Ruth, Rowina and Blanche on 04 June, and on 11 June the Jazz Bar with Caroll, Ruth, Haley, Tracy, Garth (Tracy's husband, Garth Stanley who does a good karaoke version of Don't Worry, Be Happy) Rowina, Vincent and... am I forgetting anyone? Rowina and Vincent and the rest of their team did the deejaying and karaoke there that night, as they did at Karen and Kevin's housewarming. Here's Rowina's email address if you want to find out about hiring them: perrn@bremner.uct.ac.za. I won't try and list everyone who was at the housewarming because I am bound to forget someone, but that really was a fantastic party. And it was wonderful to see faces I hadn't seen in a while, like Karen and Kevin of course, and Gay (thanks so much for everything again, Gay!), Gabo, Valencia, Ashley, Noel, Nuraan, Rosina, Kelvin, Belinda, Zak, Brett and Caila (sp?)... and obviously the people I had seen recently. And thanks to everyone who has carted me around here and there. And generally put up with my cheekiness.
I've had a couple of great lunches with David and Verity. I went pants-shopping with Lauren during her vac. For her, not me. I just tried on some fab dark red hipsters - and please know that I am not talking about underwear!!) at YDE and they would have been great except that there was some loose stitching and besides even if I could have got a fat discount like Lauren did because she knew someone who knew someone, I don't exactly have money. So it was a relief in a way that the pants were defective. They would have tried to get me another pair from one of the other branches, but I knew when not to be greedy. Maybe I'll look for them again when I'm rich one day. Tamsyn and I spend lots of quality time together having in-depth breakthrough, life-enhancing discussions. She started a new job at the Cape Town International Convention Centre with a company called African Connection on 17 June since the wretched company she was with started retrenching people and therefore weren't renewing contracts beyond the end of June. So now she gets to use her peoples and marketing knowledge and skills more. Oh and I watched Venus pass in front of the sun on the 8th of June (cool), I watch rugby games here and there (Go Bokke, this weekend!) I've had lunch with Debbie (soon again Debs?) who's a star.
And I do lots of other things. But do you want to read further? Why don't you print out the whole thing and read bits and pieces when you have the time?
Should you look inside of me
Then could you be a part of me
And would you put
Your arms around me... please
- from Flat Stanley's Turning Maslow
After a group of us went to Habaneros in Kalk Bay last year to support Flat Stanley, I decided I wanted to include the above lyrics in my book. So I asked Andrew (the lead singer) and he said it shouldn't be a problem, but that he'd have to clear it with Clint (guitar and backing vocals) since they wrote the song together. I also told him I wanted to write the lyrics in a way that would make them read "Stay" vertically. He said: "Nice one! Sounds good. Weird though, cause that's exactly the way it's written in my lyric file yet I've never noticed the "STAY" before. Clearly I don't think laterally enough." More that my focus was different, but okay :-)
Earlier this year, when Wendy was visiting from the UK, we went to see Flat Stanley at Rafiki's (yes I know I've mentioned that occasion before, but there's a different point to this). And then only a few days afterwards, Michael, Wendy, Lauren, Tamsyn and I popped around to visit Michael's aunt and uncle in Llandudno (or was it the very next day?) And I met for the first time, Scott and Elizabeth (Michael's cousin's husband and baby daughter). I don't want to make a long story of this, but Michael's cousins, Nicola and Tanya were both there with their husbands, Scott and Curtis, who are both Canadian. And I didn't say anything at the time, but I was pretty sure I had seen Scott at the Rafiki's thing because I remembered hearing his accent and wondering if he was American and then he said something about Canada. Sorry, I don't think I will ever be able to tell the difference! Doesn't matter.
Anyway I mentioned it in the car on the way home. For some reason I didn't just go ahead and ask Scott if he'd been there. Anyway! And then on the first of May Michael visited his aunt, Jean, for her birthday dinner. And he said Scott and Nicola said something about knowing the person who came up with the SA Team song for the Olympics. So when he told me that I said, well then it must have been Scott at Rafiki's. It must be that they know Clint.
Well, the Green Dolphin on 11 July was the time to find out. Michael, Lauren, Ross and I had booked a table to watch Flat Stanley do their thing. They've been very busy with their album which is due out in September/October Andy says, so this was their first live performance in a while. We were on the balcony level at a table with a very good view (since Lauren knew the waitress who answered the phone when she booked) and though unimpressed with the menu (both the selection and the prices), it's fine when you can tell yourself, okay this is what we're paying to see a great band. They were the main act following a couple of musicians from Knysna.
And of course when Flat Stanley came on stage, all was pretty quiet just before they started, so I had to play my groupie role and call out, "Aaandrew!" Hahaha, Lauren just shook her head. And Andrew was too busy elaborately wrapping his black scarf around his throat-infected neck to pay me much attention. Well he sang just fine, but had to avoid those high notes, hehehehe. So it was Andy on the mike, Clint and Neil on guitars (Clint's the one who sings a bit too and Neil's the one who can't stop moving around while the music's flowing) and then there's Clive on the cello, the whole accoustic deal. It was fab cos they're really very, very good. The album will feature a few more people Andy likes to call the rhythm section. Why do I always sound as if I am ripping him off? Not sure, bru.
Oh yeah, Ross has this job where he takes photos of bands for a company called Instant Grass, so at one point he went down to the stage to snap some of those. And got spotted by someone he and Lauren know. And then she came up to say hi to Lauren. And then later after the performance when we went down to say hello to Andy, Lauren bumped into an old friend, Tamsyn. While this was going on Michael was asking Clint if he knew Nicola and indeed he did. Clint's wife, Fiona is a very good friend of Nicola's. So Clint took Michael to meet her. And since Andy is Wendy's buddy (he calls her in Scotland with updates too) I gave him a hug from her.
Just an advert for the band: they will be performing at the Baxter Concert Hall as the support act for Karen Zoid on Saturday the 31st of July. Sixty rand a ticket. Eight-thirty pm. And bookings are through Computicket. Support would be much appreciated!
"Caught up in your wishing-well/ Your hopes and sadness/ Take your love and promises/ And make them last" - from Wet Wet Wet's Goodnight Girl
This is an amazing thing for me: My sister, Wendy, SMSed me from Scotland earlier this week to let me know the Glasgow band that charmed me through my teenage and early-twenty years had re-united! I was elated. They fell apart six/seven years ago for various negative reasons and who would have thought, who would have hoped they could pull themselves back together? Me maybe? I even have this line in my book from one of their songs that goes... Caught up in your wishing-well... And my mother's been thinking and asking about them. And their songs have been playing in Tamsyn. And we sometimes spin their CDs. I even supported Marti's solo career in England in 2001. So many other wonderful people, some of whom I met in 2001, have been continuing to support him. And I am sure all of these things played a part in drawing these talented musicians back together. Positivity really can help! It's great when people realise forgiveness, friendship and creative collaboration is a world above bitterness, competition and cold independence. And I thought I had to give up my dream of meeting Wet Wet Wet? Not a chance! New single and album due out in November and a tour in December, so you never know!
"The enthusiasm and energy and passion we had when we were 17-year-old boys is still there," said lead vocalist Marti Pellow, 38.
And the drummer Tommy Cunningham: "You can't underestimate how much it has taken for us to get back together. But there's a lot of unfinished business and I still feel we didn't get to the point where we achieved all we could have achieved."
For anyone interested in more info go to www.wetwetwet.co.uk
And for an essay of frustration I wrote in 1995 click here.
"Famous people are very often traumatised individuals with a deep-seated sense of unworthiness... They believe that fame will mean an end to pain, and access to love" - Pamela Helen Connolly. Stolen from a book by Eric Idle called The Road to Mars. Not that I actually read it.
I think I've got this reputation of being someone who latches onto famous people she likes, gets obsessed with them and becomes an extreme fanatic... I mean look at the Wet Wet Wet thing, the rugby thing, oh and who could forget the Garth Taylor thing. Shame, poor desperate Melody, and she can't even sort out her own life, get a decent job, make money, get married, have babies, live a boring, dissatisfied life, resent the world and die. You know, all that stuff.
But you know what? I like a lot of people, not just celebrities. And I even love a lot of people. And I like and love these people because I see something inside them that's special and worthy of being loved. I have always looked beyond the physical. Always. It's never been about someone having looks or money or fame or status. What something looks like isn't always what it is. Essential quality must radiate from within, but that doesn't mean people can't look good and be good at the same time. And some people are famous because they do their best at something or because they make an effort to put their passions into action. Some people make lots of money for the same reasons and there's nothing wrong with abundance if it's achieved honestly.
And though it may appear that I idolise, worship, put people on pedestals or behave like a groupie, please know that I have self-respect, my integrity and my dignity. I do not think anyone is above or, for that matter, below me. While other people have gone around being sexists or feminists or chauvinists, for instance, I've kind of thought of myself as both an individualist and a humanist. But then that would be branding myself. I've got this thing of wanting to be part of an integrated universe. So I've always resisted restricting or limiting myself to any particular group, whether it be gender-related, culture-related, colour-related, religion-related, whatever. Yeah, you can make judgements about me based on how I appear on the outside, but what is inside me? Do you really know until you look deeper?
If supporting, appreciating and admiring someone makes me a fan, if honouring, respecting and loving someone makes me a fan, if being dedicated, devoted and loyal makes me a fan, if perceiving someone's potential makes me a fan, if watching someone activate their gifts and talents makes me a fan, if inspiring someone to greater heights makes me a fan, if being there for someone makes me a fan, if healing someone with my presents and presence makes me a fan then I'm perfectly comfortable with being a fan for the rest of eternity.
Because you know what? Anyone can become both well-balanced and well-known if they are able to trust in goodness and fully utilise their limitless built-in resources to make a uniquely positive impact. Wouldn't you like it if you did that and gained many fans as a result?
And I am getting my life together. And I do have a job, I have many. I will continue to be enriched and rewarded and not just with money. I will be with my cosmic twin. And we will have children. And I will live the life I was born to live. And I will keep loving the world back to health. And my soul will never die.
"And if the stars ever fell one by one from the sky/ I know Mars could not be, uh, 2 far behind/ Cuz baby, this kind of beauty has got no reason 2 ever be shy/ Cuz honey, this kind of beauty is the kind that comes from inside" - from Prince's The Most Beautiful Girl In The World
And I did go to Westend on the second of July. Angel Michael went with me. And that miracle letter went with me in a gift bag in an Exclusive Books shopping bag. Funny, Loyiso's on the radio now singing something about an angel, just when I was going to say I watched Garth and Loyiso do Islands in the Stream and that strumming my pain with his fingers song. Did I know if they would let me take the bag inside? No, but I trusted as usual that a fool would not be made of me, and as soon as I boldly said, "Can I take this in? It's a gift." More nerves from the security guy than me: "Oh it's a gift, okay." But timing is important and it wasn't the time to hand over the bag. And I knew this by listening to my heart and following the clues. Yet I had to write that immense letter on the first of July. It's made a world of difference to me even though it hasn't been passed on yet. Because now I know what must happen. And I know what lives in me.
You must understand that I have not written in my newsletters everything that has happened to me because it's just too much, so I'm sorry if you are unable to put together all the pieces of my puzzling existence. But like a really special person said to me, "People don't have to have faith in what you're doing, they just need to have faith in you. And all you have to do is believe." And someone else special said, "You must understand that it's only happening to you and it's something that's so different, that people will, like you say, wait and see." The same person said something like, "I was sitting in church the other day and wondering, did that disciple really say that? No, there's more to the world than this." And I came to terms with the frustration of not having the kind of support I wanted because I realised that it's kind of the point of all this. God wants to show that for someone to be fully supported, they must live their desires, something like that. For someone to be fully convincing, they must walk in their destiny, not just be on their way there.
"Everything is nothing when you've got no one/ And you just walk in the night/ Slowly losing sight of the real thing" - from Garth Taylor and Melanie Lowe's Islands in the Stream (Bee Gees lyrics)
For a special lyrical essay I wrote this month, go to www.adt.org.za/essays/Everland2.htm. It goes hand in hand with this newsletter, so I would appreciate it if you read it. Just a bit of an explanation about the name: I called it Evan's Everland because Evan is the name I would have had if I'd been a boy. It rhymes with Heaven and basically Everland is a name I've given Heaven on Earth, or rather Earth and Heaven overlapping. For fun, but it also means the title sounds like Never-neverland. The picture below my poem is one I created last year sometime and then scanned in.
Someone special said to me, "If this happens, then it will confirm what I always believed, that anything is possible." And there is only one who can make the impossible possible. And no it's not Twenty-twenty banking. And it's not me.
"Think about it/ There must be higher love/ Down in the heart/ Or hidden in the stars above/ Without it, life is a wasted time/ Look inside your heart/ I'll look inside mine/ Things look so bad everywhere/ In this whole world, what is fair?/ We walk blind and we try to see/ Falling behind in what could be/ Bring me a higher love/ Bring me a higher love/ Bring me a higher love/ Where's that higher love I keep thinking of?/ Worlds are turning and we're just hanging on/ Facing our fear and standing out there alone/ A yearning, and it's real to me/ There must be someone who's feeling for me/ ...I could rise above on a higher love/ I will wait for it/ I'm not too late for it/ Until then, I'll sing my song/ To cheer the night along/ Bring it...Oh bring it... I could light the night up with my soul on fire/ I could make the sun shine from pure desire/ Let me feel that love come over me/ Let me feel how strong it could be" - from Steve Winwood's Higher Love
Many people like to watch movies in which heroes go around slaying evil enemies with swords and guns and at the end there's a reward or the person becomes the ruler or gains lots of respect or whatever. Or it's a Playstation game and you're overcoming obstacles and you're refueling and grabbing prizes along the way and going on to harder and harder levels and it feels like such a achievement every time you're able to step up another gear.
Well, my life's kind of like that these days, but because you can't see me physically fighting off and killing enemies, because you can't see me spilling blood or picking up bags of gold coins along the way, because you can't see me passing tests, because you don't see me receiving my reassurances that I am still going in the right direction, because you can't see a face or voice in the sky talking to me, I guess it's just not as appealing, is it? My quest for true and universal love. If you think I can escape into a movie or book these days, you'd be wrong. Not that I've ever been fully able to escape before. I was far too detached, too much an observer. Not that I can't watch or read something when I want to, but honestly my real life is far more gripping and I must remain focussed. Sometimes it's scary, but I manage. I wouldn't be given what I can't handle. I trust in that. And how do I cope with the knowledge and responsibility I have? I am made to and I have been prepared through everything that's happened to me in my life and I continue to be prepared. That doesn't mean nothing surprises me, surprises are part of the deal, cos I ain't the one in control, but you can even be ready for a surprise. Can't have my heart stopping in shock, can we?
I don't think you want to know how many obstacles I have had to overcome in the past couple of years, how many stereotypes and social constricts. And then there are the temptations like the lure of unfulfilling cash (I know what it was like to have money in the bank and be nowhere close to happy). And do you know how many enemies I constantly have to kill? The fears, the doubts, the negativity, the lies and the worry are all shades of darkness. I don't know how many times I have had to face a situation and I feel the fear and doubt beforehand because things might be unmanageable when I get there, but they never are and I should know they won't be because I've been promised good things and I always have protection (I am not talking about condoms!) even when I go alone. There is never a dead end. Just more light at the end of the tunnel.
So I keep on being brave and proactive and I follow the signs and my heart and the words of others when they are in tune with my heart. And I am guided by experiences even more profound. And I know where it leads, but I have to take up the challenges and make things happen on the way there. And I am growing stronger with every step. Yes it's frustrating not to be at the top yet and to keep having to do crap day-to-day chores I hate, and live in a home that's no longer really mine (not that I am made to feel that way! But the heart knows.) Anyway there are ways to handle these things. I find my pockets of peace. No not in drugs.
You think God is just going to do some magic tricks in the sky and boom, the world is sweetness and bliss?
No, God (who has many names) wants people to realise that the power of God must come through them. Some people don't believe in God perhaps because they see they are full of skills and talent, so why do they need to depend on anyone but themselves? Or maybe they don't connect with the way God has been portrayed to them. That's what I used to be like. Or maybe many people believe in God, but think God doesn't care about them as individuals. Or people just don't trust God because of all the things that have happened to them in their lives. Yeah the world is a sad state of affairs, but pregnant with possibility! On the verge of a turnaround. I like that knew Proudly South African slogan: "Alive with Possibility". And when people start to unleash God from their own hearts, that's when things will change. And if you know God's designed someone especially for you, and that when you have that someone, the two of you together, in the balanced strength of duality, can achieve what was meant for you to achieve, then that should be amazing. Don't you think the problems in the world can disappear if everyone finds real happiness? If you grow up in a fantastic environment because your parents are happy with themselves and each other? And I am not for one second saying everyone should be heterosexual and have their own children. Each person is unique and maybe there are even people who don't need partners, but I'm not convinced on that one. For interconnectedness to be a reality, everyone needs other people. But whatever the case may be, pure desires deserve to be fulfilled. And if you can't imagine just believing in God all of a sudden, that's cool, I certainly didn't do it just because other people believed. But start truly believing in yourself and using your talents and interesting things might start happening to you. An open mind is one thing, but an open heart is another.
Home is where the heart is/ The heart is where it's happy/ Happy is a dwarf/ In a fairytale/ And sometimes fairytales/ Come True/ Like the one about/ Me and You
If you disregard your own importance, it doesn't just impact you, but everyone around you too. If you think your contribution, or lack thereof, doesn't make a difference, then you probably don't think very much of yourself. But there's no one quite like you. So shouldn't that mean something?
Yes, I know I'm full of words, but give me a chance to prove my words. Let me action all this speech. And don't diss me until I'm dead.
"My heart was broken/ I thought that loving you was out of the question/ Then I saw my reflection/ Saying please don't let this go/ Tell me, I guess that cupid was in disguise/ The day you walked in and changed my life/ I think it's amazing/ The way that love can set you free/ So now I walk in the midday sun/ I never thought that my saviour would come/ I think it's amazing/ I think you're amazing" - from George Michael's Amazing
Last year another someone special said to me, "You're a very special person, Melody, you can make anyone happy." Inspirational. And it helped me on my way. But actually, I can't. I can only find true happiness if I'm with the right person and I can make only that person and no one else eternally happy. I may have been able to bring joy to some people's lives in my past relationships, but it was just for a limited time. And then I turned into a cow, messed up and buggered off. Because, through no fault of theirs, I was unfulfilled. Yeah and there were the occasions where the end was initiated by the other person because I was too far away anyway. I wonder how many people know that all my relationships started as long-distance things. I had to look inside the person before I looked at the outside. I can't deny the pattern. Well, I've tried to deal with all of these past relationships, tie up the loose ends amicably, sometimes years later, but who knows who's still holding grudges against me? I hope I am being forgiven and that these people are discovering their true selves and true loves.
And then there's Michael. We know we are meant to be friends and not meant to share our lives together. We understand each other. Though it may look like I am taking advantage of Michael by depending on him financially even though we are no longer together, I hope if you know me well, you will know that I am not someone who abuses the kindness of others. And Michael is not made of doormat material. He is a very special person who has faith in goodness. He trusts he will get the good things due to him, promised to him, but even that is not his motivation for supporting me. He believes in me and knows that my journey is not just about me, it's about the greater good, it's about critical changes needed in the way the world walks. And yes he deserves better than what he's got right now, but it's not always about now. And he's not going backwards or remaining stagnant. In various ways, he is continuing to move forward. And that is what's important. Of course, the mind is a trying thing, and you must understand that I do still feel bad about my dependence on him. But again, I must trust that everything will work out better than even we can imagine.
And I hope that when people do or have done things for me, in some way or another I do or have done something in return. Actually I suppose I do still owe people, but I'm working on it.
I can read your mind/ And I know your story/ I see what you're going through/ It's an uphill climb/ And I'm feeling sorry/ But I know it will come to you/ Don't surrender 'cause you can win/ In this thing called love/ When you want it the most/ There's no easy way out/ When you're ready to go/ And your heart's left in doubt/ Don't give up on your faith/ Love comes to those who believe it/ And that's the way it is - from Celine Dion's That's the way it is
I know it's hard to believe someone who tells you it's her job to effect love-based change in the world, that God has called on her to do this, especially when it seems to be taking so long for a particular thing to take place. But there are a few things you should consider. Long-lasting success doesn't come instantly. I've learnt that timing is very important, the right things have to come together at just the right time. And if you didn't see me wait so long, if you didn't observe my faith in play, if you didn't watch me grow over the past year, if you didn't witness my perseverance and endurance, then how would I have proved the importance of belief and patience in getting what you truly desire?
Do you not believe extraordinary things can happen? But they must, for this world to come right.
Do you not believe extraordinary things can happen to me? Why not? I am deserving.
Why only to me? No, not just to me, but it has to start somewhere and I am the only one capable of doing this part of the process. It's to show that each one is unique and significant. And it didn't begin with me, there was someone before me, the strongest one of all though people may not see it yet. But they will. I will make sure of that.
What is true and what is real/ Finds a way of being revealed - from Beverley Knight's Gold
Perhaps you are already with the right person, but you don't even know it or you're still not happy because you aren't loving yourself properly yet. Be who you are. Yes, it matters what other people think of you because what they think of you determines whether or not they will take to heart what you say. But you'd be surprised how many people will respect you if you are honest with yourself and them. And if they're reacting badly it's probably because they are bitter and unhappy. Do you want to become like that? Sort yourself out. It's scary, but the truth expressed in the correct way, sensitively, shouldn't have to lie down for anything.
"It's the simple things in life we forget/ You hear her talking but don't hear what she said/ Why do you make something so simple so complicated/ Searching for what's right in front of your face/ But you can't see it" - from Usher's Simple Things
I think it's safe to say you're on the right road when the only person's life you desire is the one belonging to the future you. You don't want to be like anyone else, you don't envy another person's lot, you don't choose someone just because you think you've waited long enough, you don't say you're in love with your husband, but think Justin Timberlake's your dream guy. When you've truly found the right person, that person stands out, fits your heart, suits you, inspires you, energises you, brings out the best in you. You hold that person in higher esteem than anyone else, your eyes should no longer be searching, the rest should become everyday people. They are still equals with unique and valuable attributes of course, but even famous, rich stars should not be given greater value than your partner. Fame and money do not make you a better person or bring happiness. They can turn into imfamy and misery if you don't have real self-respect, self-worth and treasures in your heart. Anyone can shine and not just by by wearing things that glitter, but by beaming truth from within. And people can sing beautiful songs and write awesome books, but are they living their words? A person very special to me said last year that if writing makes the world a better place then I should do it, but I should be active too. I think it's true that actions speak louder than words, but perhaps if you can do both, then it's not so much about how loud it is, but whether you can accomplish harmony. Music is the universal language, rhythm lives in my name, and I want my heart to sing and dance, so why would I give up my chance?
"Maybe it's intuition/ But some things you just don't question/ Like in your eyes/ I see my future in an instant/ And there it goes/ I think I found my best friend/ I know that it might sound more than a little crazy/ But I believe/ I knew I loved you before I met you/ I think I dreamed you into life/ I knew I loved you before I met you/ I have been waiting all my life/ There's just no rhyme or reason/ Only this sense of completion/ And in your eyes/ I see the missing pieces/ I'm searching for/ I think I found my best friend/...A thousand angels dance around you/ I am complete now that I found you" - from Savage Garden's I Knew I Loved You
I think it was in the middle of last year this new Chinese restaurant opened in Second Avenue (around the corner from us). Yeah, it wasn't long before Wendy went to the UK (July). She was actually going to work there and then I can't remember exactly what happened, I think she found something better-paying. Anyway, it's called Sunny's, and though we've never actually had a sit-down meal there, we've had takeaways often enough. One time last year (late October I think), Tamsyn and I went there and we were looking at a couple of pictures on the wall. The chef/owner, Sunny, was singing in these photos. And we asked the guy at the till about them, a very odd guy, entirely giggly. Then Sunny came out and he told us that the guy at the till is called Mr Bean. Yeah, it was funny, we asked this guy to describe what Lemon Chicken was and he was like, "Errr... it's like... lemon with chicken on." Riiiight.
Anyway we said something to Sunny about the photos and then we were sitting at the table closest to the door waiting for our order and I said to Sunny, "Sing to us." And he was obviously very pleased to get this request, but he said he would do a magic trick for us first, so he did (I can't remember what it was okay!) and then he asked, "What do you want me to sing in? German, Japanese, Chinese or English?" (I think that's what the selection was) So I said, "You choose." So we got a snippet of a Chinese song (that guy has got incredible vocal power!) and a snippet of an English song. I knew the song, but it was only when we got back to the house that I said, "Oh my God, it was Unchained Melody." (And he didn't know my name, by the way.)
And that's when Sunny started singing to his customers. At some point he got a microphone too and these days he's got karaoke equipment too. And sometimes when we walk past he's singing Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx) or something else we may not recognise and he waves from inside the restaurant.
The other day, Tamsyn and I were on the way to the 7-11 (Sunny's is en-route to it) and though we were quite a distance away Sunny leaned over the railing outside his restaurant and sang, Hello, is it me you're looking for? (Lionel Richie) And then he asked if we were getting videos (from Popcorn next door to him). "Nope, we're going to the 7-11." Of course. It's not as if we hadn't run into him there before and updated us on his musical happenings.
Why is Right Here Waiting on the radio now?
"Then the rainstorm came over me/ And I felt my spirit break/ I had lost all of my belief you see/ And realised my mistake/ But time threw a prayer to me/ And all around me became still/ I need love, love's divine/ Please forgive me/ Now I see that I've been blind/ Give me love/ Love is what I need/ To help me know my name/ Through the rainstorm came sanctuary/ And I felt my spirit fly/ I had found all of my reality/ I realise what it takes/ 'Cause I need love, love's divine/ Please forgive me/ Now I see that I've been blind/ Give me love/ Love is what I need to help me know my name/ Oh I, don't bend, don't break/ Show me how to live/ And promise me you won't forsake/ 'Cause love can help me know my name/ Well I try to say there's nothing wrong/ But inside I felt me lying all along/ But the message here was plain to see/ Believe in me" - from Seal's Love's Divine
This email is my favourite that arrived in reaction to my last newsletter. I won't say who the writer of it is, but this person worked with me at UCT and when I left, wrote in my card "I hope you find your path." I have. Cool hey?
"PHWAOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GAVE ME SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry had to type in caps because you blew my mind with the depth and insight of your thoughts. Now I can see how very far you have come on your journey. let me tell you that the writing thing is definitely for you because if you can get me to react physically to a few simple words then, well...... i could actually feel the energy that went into those thoughts because it literally jumped off the page. I feel like I am on a high- WOW.... I was just going to scan the page and read it later when I had more time but once I started I couldn't stop and i couldn't NOT respond. I actually sent it to a very close friend of mine and this is her response: she writes so well! wow! amazing! (hope u don't mind) must say that i can really connect to your thoughts because they echo where I've been, where i am, where i'm going.... life's a journey-enjoy the ride :-) This is part of the reason why it speaks to me"
"You'd need a golden calculator to divide/ The time it took to look inside and realize/ That real guys go for real down to Mars girls, yeah!" - from Outkast's Roses
NB. This ender changes from time to time: This issue is only available on www.adt.org.za unless otherwise organised. A DifferenTune is a sometimes publication, previously known (for issues 1.1, 1.2 and 2.1) as A Different Tune. It has existed since I, Melody Joshua, created the November 1995 issue. All correspondence and contributions should be addressed to me at melody@adt.org.za or 2 Chesterton, Blackheath Road, Kenilworth, 7708, South Africa. Everything printed in ADT has been written and edited by its creator unless otherwise stated. Back issues are available on request. They will be sent free of charge for private, non-moneymaking purposes at the leisure of the creator or immediately for a small fee of three South African Standard Postage stamps per issue. Foreigners, aliens and exiles may send me 100 grams of Cadbury's milk chocolate per issue instead.