This intro to the forthcoming June/July newsletter is actually just a "big bang" kind of prologue to an ADT I promise you will be more down to earth than this. It'll have normalish news in it. So that you can see I'm not just a loony tune flying without wings. But if you're honestly interested in the deep-down me, then read this before you get the "proper" one in a few days time. Or after it, if you want to be different.

"She doesn't know who she is, she must look inside herself." Very profound statement made by a friend this week. You go, boy. And I said, "Exactly." And that's really what my book is about. Looking inside yourself. And others! Not only to understand yourself and those you're linked to, but to realise that God really does exist, and not just somewhere above the sky, apart from you, but as a part of you, a loving, trustworthy, dynamic, funny, passionate, buried-treasure part of you.

"When there's no one else, look inside yourself, like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within" - from Christina Aguilera's The Voice Within.

You've got your own piece of divinity right inside you, if you're brave enough to find it. Follow your heart while using your head and let the fire of your spirit fuel and light the way for your soul's journey. And remember that when fear darkens your world, the light of the true you is dimmed. You're a unique individual, not the stereotype of a man or woman who can be categorised as black or white or whatever (who came up with that race rubbish anyway?? I have never seen a white person in my whole life! And those mime artists don't count!), you're different, on purpose!

And when you realise you don't have to be like other people or like other people expect you to be, then you can be who you really are. Sing your own tune! And then... you'll know you're something special and you'll know what you need and you'll know you deserve good things and you'll know who you want to share your life with. And until you're with that person (and you're both secure with who you each are) you won't reach the heights you're meant to reach. But who ever said the path to true love was easy? Perhaps that person isn't ready for you yet and you've got some inner healing work to do to prove you're meant for that person. Maybe they don't know who they are yet and so they can't see the fullness of who you are. But there's a million connections between you. So what are you going to do? Just let it go? Feck, no. Why in heaven's name give up on something your eyes can see has the potential for a universe of possibility? And that your soul perceives is the one thing that will make you complete? Cos you know you're still only half, less than half! A chrysalis!

And maybe people will look at you and wonder about you and be uncertain about what you're up to. Maybe they're too scared to tell you they believe in you, in case what you're working towards doesn't ever happen. Maybe they'll think you're setting yourself up for a fall, that you're idealistic, unrealistic, delusional... a freaking idiot even... but are those people happy? Or do those people really understand you and know what you need? You've still got, at different levels and in different ways, the support of people who think you're worth being friends with, people who want what's best for you and who want to spend time with you and listen to what you have to say. So keep going. And going. And be an inspiration, set an example. Show your love, your dedication, show you love yourself and that you're devoted to making yourself happy. Because you know that you can really only have the biggest, most positive impact on other people's lives when your life is where it must be. And achieving your own happiness must never be just about you. You are not an island. And even an island needs the ocean to make it an island. A friend said to me last year, "I do believe in the interconnectedness of the universe" and that has really stuck with me. We really are all connected. What you do affects other people, so it's important to take more than just yourself into account. And especially the one you connect with more than anyone else.

You can tell that other person needs you because you know exactly what you have to give and you know that those things are missing from that person's life. And you believe so much in your authentic self that you know you and no one else can fulfill those needs. Even when that certain person is in denial that they have those desires. But you see deeper. Yeah okay, so you're dancing right opposite me when you sing Only With You, bru. Standing right on the edge of the stage, no less. I'll dance right in front of you too. But hey, I came all this way to see you (had to leave Karen and Kevin's fantastic housewarming party to come and support you) and you know I'm waiting for you, Baby Boy, so if you want me to touch you, you touch me first. I'll mimic you when you do the sit-down action directly opposite me for the bit that goes, "So sit down over there and learn how a man can fall so deeply, How you take away his pride and wash away his fears" and you can look into my eyes when you see me sitting in the air just like you. And you can wear a white long-sleeved top for the first time at a performance I've been at and I can reveal a white sleeveless one for the first time and you can say, "I normally wear sleeveless tops, but it's too cold" and someone shouts, "Take it off!" But it isn't me who says that and you won't do it these days anyway. And I don't want you to. Not in front of them.

And you can talk about having "Cape Town roots". And you can say, "I'm waiting for a woman to come and tell me where I get these roots from" and everyone else goes ooooooh, but I'm the only one who knows you really are searching for that answer and I'm only the only one who ever writes to give you your answers, who answers your calls for help. And you know I'm listening and you want to see if I will connect with that question and realise that you're waiting for me to explain your attachment to Cape Town. Don't worry, I was already working on that letter before you said that thing. Still working on it. You'll get it in person sometime soon. You need to be sure? Fine. I'll make you sure. I used to always have dreams about being in and exploring a big house filled with countless rooms and secret passageways and now I know it represents your bloody complex soul.

Show's over. And I return to Ruth and Gay who hadn't seen you perform before and they're like, "Woooow." Very impressed. Ruth was so into your piano-playing and Gay thinks you'd be a real hit in London. Yet that it would be sad for you to leave SA. Don't worry, he's proudly South African. And she thinks you're mischievous, but that there's such sincerity in you too. And that you're kind. Yeah, just mean and nasty to me hahahaha. No, not really. Just hard to get. And Ruth's like, "Aren't you going to say hi to him?" And I'm like, "No, not this time. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." And she's like, "Oh Melody! I don't know this side to you! I LIKE it!" Me too. It's great to finally know what I want and to be guided from within and with signs and MORE. Sure I always used to write stories, but what was at the root of most of those stories? My desire for being with the ultimate one. That's all I ever really wanted, to be with the dream guy in my mind's eye, twenty-four seven. Beautifully ambitious I know. There are other things I feel very strongly about too, but I think I'll only be able to put them across to the world in a big way, in the right way, when I'm walking in my destiny. And my book's only one paving slab in that a-maze-ing gold-and-silver pathway. That novel is filled with wishes and dreams and they're coming true. And I'm still building up that book. It's gonna be big (like my head, you're thinking).

Gay, the driver, Ruth, the navigator and Melody, the instigator, leave Grandwest and head back to the Bergsma houseparty. Thanks Gay and Ruth, for being up to joining me. My gratitude is bottomless, just like the coffee I owe you both! When we get inside, the party's jumping and Tracy says to me, "After you left, they played Garth Taylor." And she held up three fingers. "Three songs." Naturally... And they played them again before I left the party later. Probably cos Noel requested one of them for me. "I asked Vincent to play Why for you." Ta. And someone leaned towards me during Only With You and said, "You know how you want Garth to sing that song to you, that's how I want to sing it to [edit]" And I said, "Well he was singing it right opposite me tonight!" So cool how other people can be pleased for me, even when I still have a longish way to go! Maybe it's because some friends understand me well enough to know I have my head on straight. It's nice when others can confirm your sanity :)

Oh dear God, I've just discovered Garth's going to be at Westend on Friday. Did I say something about being sane? I take it back. Why doesn't he give me more time to prepare for seeing him again?? Argh!!! This means I have to sort out that letter pronto and it also means that it would be good if I could find someone to go with me. Just SMSed Caroll now. Help me out, girl. For anyone else who's interested, Loyiso will also be there. It's like de ja vu of the night Garth and I met. Loyiso and Garth at Westend. I had a letter to give him that night too. If I was a macadamian tree, my nuts would fall off right about now.

"There are things in life you're learning/ And over time you'll see/ Because out there somewhere it's all waiting/ If you keep believing/ So don't run, don't hide/ It will be alright/ You'll see, trust me/ I'll be there watching over you/ Just take a look through my eyes/ There's a better place somewhere out there/ Just take a look through my eyes/ Everything changes/ You'll be amazed what you'll find/ If you look through my eyes/ There will be times on this journey/ All you'll see is darkness/ Out there somewhere daylight finds you/ If you keep believing/ All the things that you can change/ There's a meaning in everything/ And you will find all you need/ There's so much to understand" - from Look Through my Eyes by Phil Collins.

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NB. This ender changes from time to time: This issue is only available on www.adt.org.za unless otherwise organised. A DifferenTune is a sometimes publication, previously known (for issues 1.1, 1.2 and 2.1) as A Different Tune. It has existed since I, Melody Joshua, created the November 1995 issue. All correspondence and contributions should be addressed to me at melody@adt.org.za or 2 Chesterton, Blackheath Road, Kenilworth, 7708, South Africa. Everything printed in ADT has been written and edited by its creator unless otherwise stated. Back issues are available on request. They will be sent free of charge for private, non-moneymaking purposes at the leisure of the creator or immediately for a small fee of three South African Standard Postage stamps per issue. Foreigners, aliens and exiles may send me 100 grams of Cadbury's milk chocolate per issue instead.