| in the mood for a melody [from billy joel's "pianoman"] | March - May 2002 |
3 May
Why is it so difficult to start this issue? After all, I am perfectly capable of just rambling on in print. Maybe it's because I haven't got a job yet, or an income anyway. I could have more than one job if I wanted to and if I really tried, couldn't I? Anyway it's becoming more and more difficult to justify why I'm not making money (apart from my unemployment payments). Then again I don't really need to justify it at this point because I am not destitute yet (touch wood). But I am slightly paranoid about people asking me whether I am working yet or asking me how the job-hunting is going. I don't feel right about the conventional method of putting together a CV and sending copies of it to agencies and then pretending there are certain jobs I would like and going for interviews for things that mean nothing to me.
This isn't to say I don't want to work for the rest of my life. Sure, I want to make money because I need it to get things and to do things I like or love. But I don't want to do it at the cost of my enjoyment unless it's absolutely necessary for a limited period. So I really have to work hard at figuring out what I would enjoy doing and figure out how it could actually make money. And it doesn't have to be just one thing that I enjoy - in fact it's not likely to be. You're supposed to have it all figured out when you leave school. Well, I think most people now know that isn't what really happens. Most people are just pressurised into pretending they know what they want to do or perhaps they think they know what they want to do based on a whole lot of external factors. And then I think people also change and want to do different things as they go along. I think that there doesn't have to be just one thing that you have to aim for. You should be able to do a few at once (says she who isn't even doing one thing). The workshop I went to with Shelley on 23 April pretty much helped me realise that it's something I believe to be true. Nick Williams from England presented the three-hour workshop and it was called "The work we are born to do". I am not really sure how to describe what it was like. In some ways I couldn't help thinking: I already know all this stuff, there's no real revelation here - I already know that it's up to you to make things happen and that you can't rely on other people etc. And it wasn't easy to do the exercises we had to do. I never get excited about going to workshops. I always feel resistance and almost anxiety. Having to go into groups and do things always seems to put me off. Anyway I also know that they can be helpful and productive so I go ahead with them, but not entirely whole-heartedly.
Nick was saying you have to listen to that voice inside, to your intuition and not ignore what you feel just because of the things people told you when you were growing up. For example, when it comes to work people think that if you enjoy it too much it can't be work or that work must be all about suffering and sacrifice. Also he said most people believe in the theory of "lack and scarcity". For me I can apply this to the job market and what I think of it. It is easy to say there's just nothing available. Look at the rubbish in the papers and even though you can go via agencies, what are the chances they will actually find you something you would like? It seems like such a farce. There are simply not enough jobs out there, and especially not ones that would be interesting - that's how I tend to have been thinking. And in a way I haven't shaken off that belief yet especially since the country I live in has high unemployment. But I do think Nick is right, and it's obviously not just him who thinks this, that there really is an abundance of things out there that need doing and an abundance of capability in each person. The catch is getting paid for what you do (not that he really mentioned that). Nick said you must focus on what inspires you because when you are inspired you are motivated so much more. And you have to have self-belief and in fact sometimes you need to create new beliefs for yourself. We each had to create one in a group while we were there. It didn't mean you would automatically believe it, but it was something you could work on. Already I have forgotten the exact words I used for mine. But it was something like "I believe that I can take at least two things that I love doing and use them to earn money". I am kicking myself now for not writing it down after the session. Ah well, perhaps Shelley will correct me since she had to repeat the belief back to me. As in say to me: "I believe that you can …". We were three in a group at the time so all three of us had to do it. High pressure for me! I haven't told anyone about the belief I created (before this newsletter and obviously excluding the two in my group). It shows that I prefer to write things down and let people read them when I don't have to be there to see the reaction! It doesn't mean I don't stress a little sometimes about what you must be thinking of what I write!
I am very tempted to delete everything I have just written. And I would do it if I didn't just spend an hour labouring over it. Time and effort - it would be such a waste to just throw both in the bin now. Besides you're not paying to read this so I can pretty much write any old drivel that I please can't I? This brings me back then to why it was so difficult to start this issue.
Well, it's almost as if I feel I am wasting my time writing ADT's when I should be looking for a job, you know? Every time someone commented on that long December-January issue I wrote, I would feel a twinge of guilt over having had the time to write it. Still, I was compelled to write it and so I think it was worth doing. Imagine if I just stopped doing them entirely and stopped writing letters and emails to friends. I think I would actually feel as if I'd lost a part of myself. I think I have told two friends recently that when I consider the possibility of writing fiction as a "career", I think to myself that I could go the rest of my life without writing fiction and I would be perfectly fine with that. So that shows it's not what I should do as a job. I'm not sure it's entirely true though, what I said. Perhaps it is, but certainly taking away writing (even if it is just the newsletter and friendly correspondence at the moment!) would kind of freak me out. It wouldn't kill me of course, but it would probably amputate something.
The same goes for reading selected fiction. It's a fixed entity in my life and I can't imagine going without it. So these are the kinds of things I do have to consider in my search for income-generation. What are the kinds of things that keep me going? What moves and inspires me? And what are the things I appreciate about myself and that I think are my strengths?
And yes I have already considered doing some kind of volunteer work. A friend of mine said "I must tell you, though, it's not for the faint-hearted!" And I said, "What do you mean? I was talking about shelving books at the library!" Of course I have thought of more "heavy-duty" work than the library stuff, so what she said wasn't irrelevant actually, I was more trying to make a joke when I responded than saying I would never consider the "helping needy people" kind of stuff.
I've just come back from doing some washing and have decided not to re-read the stuff above just yet. There is still the possibility that I will severely edit it later anyway though. Speaking of editing, I am attending a 2-day course on 1 and 8 June with Tamsyn. Like Shelley, or similarly to Shelley, she also discovered something she thought I might like to attend along with her. It's a copy editing and proofreading course, this time by a local guy called John Linnegar. Luckily he will also teach us the difference between the two terms. According to someone who has attended this course in the past, it's well worth it.
I know what you're thinking: jeez, Melody, surely you have more on your mind than work?!
Yes, well, you know how I said that one of the days the course is on is 1 June? Okay maybe you've already forgotten or thought the date was irrelevant so you decided not to commit it to memory. Well it's also Michael's 30th birthday. So don't forget! No I haven't planned the day yet, but I'm sure you're perfectly welcome to call him or visit him on the day since he won't need to study or do an assignment on that particular Saturday. Or else if there is something specific you need to attend, I will email and let you know! Yes, I will be at the course until thirty minutes past sixteen hundred hours, but there are plenty more hours in the day after that and we'll figure out something cool for him to get up to until that point anyway! Any ideas, Wadeegh? Let me know, dude.
In March I spent quite a bit of time packing and organising the big move on 26 March. Yes we have moved, people! I know how many of you were surprised despite the claims that you read my last couple of newsletters (no, it's cool, I understand that you can't hang onto my every brilliant word). We now live at -- (refer to bottom of newsletter! - Ed). Phone numbers (and indeed email addresses) remain the same - yes they're right there in your little address book.
In March my mother came down until Easter Sunday for just over a week. She helped us on moving day and also had her birthday with us. Apart from the first night when she slept at our flat (we hadn't moved yet then), she stayed at her parents' house. Anyway it was good to have her in Cape Town for a few days and at least since I wasn't working (oops, bad, bad word) I could spend a bit more time with her. We even went to visit Verity and Alex one day. And on her birthday Verity joined us at the Ocean Basket so that was nice too.
Oh in March the rugby started. Well it started in February when the Stormers started off their Super 12 very well by beating the Sharks in Durban. But I meant that the Newlands visits started in March. Every week, for four weeks, Michael and I would go and support the guys at Newlands before they headed for the Australasian leg (why not arm?) of their Super 12 adventure. Kelvin and Belinda joined us there for the match against the Brumbies. It was mostly really cool except the parts where they lost 3 of the 4 games at Newlands. But they still rocked and still do despite losing 3 out of 4 in Australasia. However the other statistic is that the other 3 (out of 4) South African teams were unable to win a single of their 4 games in Oz and NZ this year. So the Stormers at least have that one win in their favour. They are currently top of the SA teams on the log, not such a fantastic thing when all four are right at the bottom, but the Stormers are hoping to rectify that somewhat with their last couple of games this weekend and the following weekend. At any rate they are hoping to win both with maximum points against the other two SA teams they still need to play - the Cats and the Bulls. I sound like an IOL or supersport online news story without the rugby terminology. I read enough of them!
Anyway it's been fascinating. Being a fanatic is almost masochistic at times. You keep going back for more punishment! Kind of like rugby I guess. The blood flows, but they still enjoy it. The Stormers captain (Corne Krige) even went for a precautionary brain scan the other day and he was like: "At least it showed I have a brain!" And he does!
One day in March I went to watch them train and that was really quite an experience. Not sure I would do it again - not alone, anyway! Or yeah I would, I think I'm brave enough. But I didn't expect to turn up there and be like the only fan who's come to watch them and didn't realise that the benches you sit on are the same ones the Stormers team and employees hang out on. So it was rather intimidating and I decided just to keep quiet and watch. I couldn't get myself to walk over to Breyton Paulse (for instance) as he wistfully stared out at the rest of the team. He was still looking after his knee injury at the time (although he's wonderfully back in the game now!) and I could have gone and chatted to him, but I didn't. You know, didn't want people getting the wrong impression and thinking I fancied him or something! And certainly didn't want him thinking that! Fortunately a few other people arrived during the course of the afternoon so it meant I wasn't the only one there all the time, but most of them left before I did as well.
It was interesting watching them train and seeing some of the guys who were still recovering from injury either training with the main team or else doing other exercises with a physiotherapist. Even Bob Skinstad was there (current Springbok captain, but possibly to be replaced seeing as SA has a new coach now!) and he was one of the guys who had to do exercises with the physio. He'll be in his first Stormers game for the season tomorrow (4 May) - on the bench, but due to get quite a bit of playing time. Really looking forward to the game! It was good to see him looking positive when they were exercising - but that's him, Mr Positive!
I didn't know what time the main practice session would finish and although I would be able to meet whomever of them I wanted to after they were done, I decided it was time to leave at around 17h00 or so. I couldn't imagine being the only one still hanging around when they were done! So I took the long walk home.
I was telling someone in a letter the other day that it's kind of cool and a new thing for me to have a team of local sportsmen I can support. You know, just having people who live right in Cape Town to be inspired by. (Not that I have any intention of playing rugby!)
Michael and I also went to meet a few of them at Canal Walk last month - got a photo taken with Hendrik Gerber (no. 7 jersey for the Stormers!) and Tjoepie van den Heever (no. 2). I will be getting the pic scanned to include with this ADT so you'll find it somewhere in this newsletter (Tjoepie's next to Michael and Hendrik's next to me with the scab on his nose). And we also got free Super 12 T-shirts and I got mine autographed by Breyton and Pietie Ferreira. So yeah I finally said hi and how are you? to Breyton and wished Pietie good luck for the next game. Breyton was still out of play at the time.
I could say a lot more about how it's been with the rugby for the past while, but I won't. I'm sure some of you have already skipped all of the last few paragraphs. Come on, I was sensitive, I didn't talk about flyhalves and fullbacks and kicking into touch etc.
Right now I think I need to make lunch! Lauren called about half an hour ago and she will be here very soon so it's lunch for two!
7 May
The Stormers won on Saturday - yay! And then yesterday I went to Newlands to buy tickets for the game on this coming Saturday when they play the Bulls in their last game in this year's Super 12. We'll be right in front on the centre-line.
Yesterday I also saw Nomfuzo and her baby, Mihle, who was born on the 26th of April. She's really cute and pretty tall for her age! Nomfuzo and Skumbuzo stopped over here on their way to the clinic. I had to climb into the car to see Mihle because it was really cold yesterday and the car was nice and warm so it made sense that Nomfuzo didn't want to take Mihle out into the cold. Nomfuzo looked very well and all recovered already.
17 May
Yes, I am quite ashamed that I have spent so much time away from this newsletter. It wasn't intentional, but I certainly didn't make any effort either. I was hoping to include some photos of our new home in this issue and if Wendy manages to bring the digital camera home from work tonight, I will probably be able to do so. Last week she was able to bring it so that we could take a few photos of us that Wendy thought would be nice to send to our mother. But the battery was close to flat so I didn't attempt to take some of the house as well. Plus it was already completely dark by then and I would prefer to have more light when I take them. I will, however, include a couple of the photos we took that day. They don't show much of the inside of the house or anything, but they show me so that's a bonus, isn't it?
Oh and if you look closely you'll find a photo of Lauren, Wendy and me taken in 1984. I'm the biggest of course and Lauren's the baby.
At some point I'll get my newest "me & a Stormer" photo scanned so that I can shove it into the next newsletter. Last week Michael and I went to Tygervalley to meet some of the Stormers at the Vodashop. Michael refused to be in a photo this time so I had to be in one all by myself with Bolla Conradie (South Africa's best rugby number 9 - I'm not even sure this is debatable!) And I spoke to and got my shirt signed by Thys Stoltz, Bolla, Pieter Dixon and Marius Joubert. And then on Saturday man-of-the-match Marius saved the game for the Stormers, scoring two tries and generously handing another to Pieter Rossouw who was playing his last game with the team (going to England now)! This Sunday Bolla and Marius are playing in the trials in an attempt to be chosen for the Springbok team - they both deserve to be there! I wish I was in Pretoria to see the trial game, but I guess I'll have to make another plan to see it on TV. I'm hoping, though, to watch my first live Springbok game at Newlands on 15 June, when the Boks play their second test against Wales.
Listen, I know that some of you must wonder why I write such long newsletters (when I told Kelvin a while back that I was up to three pages, he said that was already too long). Why do I insist on writing so much when I give the impression that it's such a hassle for me to finish the things? In fact, why don't I just say goodbye now? Well it's really just a matter of not wanting to leave out all the happenings but when it's supposed to cover three whole months, I realise I'm inadvertently going to leave out some fairly newsworthy stuff. I should really be keeping a diary of events, I suppose, but I don't. Anyway I'm sorry if I leave out something that you think I ought to have mentioned. But then you are welcome to complain if you feel you should have been mentioned. Averall Ann (or as she writes her name in emails "averallann") asks me why I don't mention her so I asked her to write something short for ADT because then she would really get a mention! You'd be amazed at the life she lives on a farm in Kwazulu-Natal! I don't know when last someone actually wrote something for this newsletter, but I think it's my fault for not encouraging it in recent years.
I asked Ruth (Garde, not Johnson) if I could put something she said about a recent ADT in here. I don't remember getting a reply about that particular thing, but I suspect she won't mind and it was just a comment I liked:
[15 March 2002] Just read your newsletter - it was fun to get an idea of life in Cape Town! I could almost smell the heat - all the tropical, summer fruit and icy cold cocktails and tasty desserts and ethnically diverse dinners at restaurants. And that kind of energy-sapped (plagiarism, I know) feeling when the machines even have temper tantrums and the flies hum their grumpiness in agreement. Ahh.........I miss that living in icy, Scandinavian Oslo. The summers are lovely but it's never the same as a 6 month long subtropical summer.
Ruth is from Australia (and that's where I met her), but lives in Norway now so that's how she misses the long summers! I met her in Oz when she had one daughter, Gillian. Now she has three! Not all called Gillian of course, but if you abbreviate their names (Gillian, Matilda and Millicent), they're Gilly, Tilly and Milly! She also has a husband called Tor, but I think she keeps him locked up in an attic somewhere.
I borrowed six books from the library this week and am currently reading Barbara Vine's "The Chimney Sweeper's Boy". Barbara Vine aka Ruth Rendell is pure genius. You may not think so after reading just one book, but read a few, especially if you are interested in reading about realistic people and if you're interested in characterisations. The other books I took out are by other authors, but I am looking forward to them too. I also collected my Leisure Books order this week and fancy that, it's a new book by Ruth Rendell called "Adam and Eve and Pinch me". I'll probably read all the library books first though since there's a limit on how long I can keep them.
Oh and guess who I bumped into on my way back from the post office. Well, you'll probably never guess if you don't know him. But if you do know him, you might guess if I give you enough clues. Bhavic Nana! Yes, the one and only. Actually he admitted to not having read my newsletters lately since he's very busy. He was retrenched from his job a few weeks ago (in Cape Town), but he's already deeply involved with a friend in a "business venture" of their own. And he says he's not getting much sleep right now. Not sure if this is doing him a favour, but in a recent email he said:
"if you are looking for skilled web developers/designers/coders, or know somebody who is, please visit pi² @ www.pi2.co.za and email us at info@pi2.co.za for more info."
So yeah, all the best to him! He lives just a couple of minutes walk from us (well he did even before we moved), so hopefully we'll see him again soon. I think the last time we were out with him socially was Michael's birthday last year so perhaps we can coax him away from his work for this year's one!
Speaking of retrenchment, UCT's HR Department has finally completed their restructuring (or have they??) and some of my ex-colleagues and friends were retrenched at the end of March. For many it is probably a gift in disguise because those who are still there now are mostly having a worse time of it than before. But hopefully it's just teething problems although I have my doubts. I was invited on the Thursday before the Easter weekend to a lunch at the UCT Club. It was the last day for some of them and it had obviously been an emotional day for all, including those who would be able to return to work on the following Tuesday. So it was an odd lunch to be at, but I felt privileged that they thought to invite some of us who had already left UCT's HR Dept: Kelvin, Jono, Chernise and me. Perhaps seeing us was a good thing for those who had to leave because invariably people look happier once they are out of there. Incidentally we had also had a fun farewell drinks and dance thing for Chernise at Cantina Tequila earlier in the month. Chernise now lives in Johannesburg.
8.52pm
It is confirmed. There will be no digicam for extra photos for this issue, but there's always June. Right now I have to take another break because our Chinese food deliveries have arrived. We had leftover pea soup as a starter a couple of hours ago.
9.20pm
Sweet! (The chicken)
It looks like we have to replace our geyser. The hot water has been spurty since we moved in (presumably since before we moved in) and the plumbers have indicated that the forty-year-old hot water cylinder will have to go. So that's a few thousand rand! The body corporate insurance will cover it only if it bursts. So we can either wait until it bursts (very messy) which it will probably never do or we can pay for it all ourselves. Don't you like the way unemployed people pretend they can still pay for things? Well, if I don't start earning some money soon, I won't be able to contribute to anything for much longer, but I can still manage while I am getting UIF.
This weekend I am hoping to buy some gardening gloves (have you noticed how ugly they make those things look?) and get rid of some serious weed. It won't make the guy in No. 1 entirely happy since he thinks we have way too many things growing in "such a small garden" (and he's not talking about the weeds), but at least I'll be satisfied that some of the unnecessary grass is gone. We don't have to cut and edge the lawn or trim the hedges, but the garden is our responsibility as long as it doesn't get too ugly for the other residents or the body corporate. And it's quite lush actually. I finally saw some white-eye birds ducking and diving in the birdbath at the back of the garden yesterday. I've only seen birds showering in the irrigation sprinklers before. We've also got a lazy chameleon. Yesterday it was on the fence between our garden and number 4's garden and it was letting its front legs hang loose, resting its body on the wire. No, it was not dead.
Oh hell, I just remembered that I had vowed never again to write a newsletter longer than four pages (NB. If this was the Ms Word version of ADT you would be in the middle of page 7 now). I could say, yes well this covers three months, but that's irrelevant. Well, I'm not going to delete two and a half pages now, am I? Forget about it.
If you want to get your picture into ADT, do not hesitate to email me one. I had hoped to get some of Rosina's Cantina Tequila photos scanned, but this has not happened. Verity (aka Mugg & Bean), you can breathe a sigh of relief now.
A few weeks ago I tried to donate blood for the first time ever. I thought they might not let me because I'd had a cold a few days before, but they wouldn't let me because my heart was "racing". The nurse said I did not look nervous and I did not feel it. But my heart rate was 120 when it should have been 60 apparently. This was just after the Stormers lost to the Auckland Blues (incidentally the Stormers ended 7th on the log, above all the SA teams and above the two NZ teams they beat). So the nurse and I decided it was the rugby that did it. I didn't mention to her that I'd also had four cups of coffee that morning. I usually have three maximum in a day. Michael thinks that may have affected my heart rate too. Of course the blood donor people felt sorry for me not being able to donate blood and tried to offer me more Game (energy drink) and more biscuits than I would have got if I had given blood! I'll go back when they're next in Cavendish since that is where I completed the form.
I know I didn't go into much detail as to what I have been up to in the past few months, but there's mainly been this backdrop of packing, moving and settling in and this hovering over what work I should do. I have also spent a little bit of time with friends and family, or else phoned a few I didn't get to see. And there's been the rugby and the reading and the general care of the new home and garden. There's been the reading of news on the net and not much chatting but some emailing and letters. I watch a bit of TV (including Idols - man, I hate how they encourage people to vote over and over so that it's the rich who vote the winners through, but hey maybe I'm wrong).
I've also finished reading a book called "Dare to Succeed". It's borrowed from a friend, Lehlohonolo, so I have to get it back to him now. I am also reading a book he gave me as a gift after I left UCT called "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". Quite amazing, although better to read when you're still a child! It's about what the rich teach their kids about money that the poor and middle class do not. Lehlohonolo says he's just finishing "Rich Dad's Guide to Investing" now.
So yeah, I can't say I have been doing anything particularly dramatic. I'm glad to see Kelvin looking so happy since he left UCT though. Not that I am not happier, but he's found some work stuff that really excites him now and I am supposed to be sending him my CV in case he finds some stuff I could help out with. It's silly to crack you skull over a CV, but those things make me sick. Still, I have it on my To Do list as something that needs finalising really soon.
Working for someone else, man it is mostly a real pain. I spoke to a friend yesterday who started off really happy in her new job, but now it's not going so well any more. More and more I think I need to come up with something of my own. I think many of my friends think the same thing.
But enough about work - although it's true what Rich Dad says; it's much better to be financially literate and have your money work for you, than for you to work for your money all your life.
And now for a change of subject! Shame, aren't the poor little puppies cute? What can possibly be going through their minds? It's just a picture I stole off the net to use in a greeting card at some point. Certainly it is not a photo I took! Quite honestly it was just an eight-dog filler for the eight-page thriller hardcopy version of this issue and it's past midnight, meaning I should really have a new heading called 18 May, but I'd rather go off to bed thanks very much! Take care. If you want to be happy then BE happy! (stolen off "Invent yourself" on TV the other night)
Love, Melody
